Dear Chat Daddy,
Every year, my friends and family always ask me what I want for my birthday.
Every year, I say the same thing "just surprise me" or "it's your choice" or my alltime favorite line, "I need or want nothing."
What is the best gift to give someone who has everything?
-Self
Dear Self,
Start by counting all your many blessings. I do. Then, I reflect on the fact that I'm thankful and truly blessed to still be here.
Most people are really not in the proper position to really give the gift I most want and need. That's the gift of me baring my soul for the sake of helping others. Most of you are saying, "who cares if you bare your soul, Chat Daddy. After all, it's your business."
The reason why I started my "relationship chats" ten years ago was due to the fact that I was in a very deceiving, and often times, extremely nasty relationship.
One day I woke up and realized I had to mentally move on from what I thought was my love everlasting. After many months of unhealthy thoughts and actions, due to my reflections of past relationship, I invited friends, of various backgrounds, over to my home. Black, white, straight and gay, for an evening of cocktails and stimulating conversations.
We covered every subject under the sun, and from that I started my monthly relationship chats.
Over the course of the last ten wonderful years of being. "Chat Daddy" and host of my monthly discussions, I've witnessed all of the key signs and signals that have caused the total mass destruction of our dating system.
Most of you have yet to understand the cause and effect of a loving relationship. Most of us have had an extremely hard time focusing on love. I've watched people meet, commit to each other and before I know it, they were back single again and not even friends through the entire process.
The key to a successful and thriving relationship is to heal yourself first, by publicly bearing your soul. The reason I am bearing my soul is to help improve the state of Black relationships. Most of us are walking dead- when it comes to healthy loving relationships.
Now, don't get me wrong, by no means have I been the perfect angel. I, too, have met some wonderful people. I have run the full spectrum of relationships. Let's just say, I have been there, done that. Remember people, I am trying to bare my soul, not tell all my business.
I finally realized a few months ago that I have been cheating myself by having superficial or, as I always call them, "live for the moment" relationships.
Here I am, a single Black male, educated and well-traveled. When all of a sudden I finally realized that I have emerged into someone who has no one to share my accomplishments with. Despite the many dates, relationships and everything in between.
The way I see the problem with Black relationships over that past ten years is that there has been a total lack of honesty. Confession is key with self and your relationships. Many of us have been in far too many relationships. We have slept with people we've truly regretted sleeping with.
Most of us are now dealing with health and mental issues due to a relationship gone wrong. My friends, there are still good Black people out here and yes, folks, there are still Black males that really want an honest loving relationship.
The real problem with our relationships today is that we are continuously running into people who don't have the same desires or passions. They look at relationships as temporary amusements.
I am looking forward to creating an everlasting love relationship - a relationship that will no longer be tainted with feelings of abandonment, abuse and neglect. I've had to let all ill feelings and thoughts go.
I hope me baring my soul will allow others to do the same. As we go into another year very soon, I ask that you stop, look and listen to your soul for your real choice in seeking a true relationship with yourself and others.
Take it from me - starting over at this point, I've learned to live with less stress, drama and rejection. I have replenished my soul with a love of self by providing it with a healthy dose of confidence, purpose and self-healing from all that has hurt and disappointed me.
Take my word on this one - your life will truly be happier in the long run.
[Author Affiliation]
"Dear Chat Daddy," Art Sims' relationship advice column, runs on Wednesdays and Fridays, chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com
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